Bunch of Random Quotes, Proverbs, Phrases, Jokes Etc... Funny!

[BaDDBLooD]

Do you eat Lots of Lucky Charms? Because you look Magically Delicious.

Sex is a killer, wanna die happy?

You've been a bad girl, Go to my room.

Sex is like pringles, Once you pop, you just can't stop.

Are you doing anything tonight? Because i sure hope it's me.

Aw, girl, i'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!

i've fallen head over heels for you, But i know some other positions too!

After we get done making cakes, do you want to lick off the icing?

Damn -- All those curves, and me with no brakes!

i'm a Snickers, Why wait?

Do you eat frosted flakes? 'Cause you're bringing out the tiger in me!

I'm feeling a little off today... Would you like to turn me on?

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.  I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?  Do i point at my crotch when i ask where the bathroom is?

People who are willing to get off ther ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".  Fuck off.  What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it? What, should i eat someone else's cake instead?

When people say "it's always in the last place you look".  Of course it is.  Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? do people do this? who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie "did you see that?" No dick nose, i paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the fucking ceiling up there. what did you come here for?

People ask "can i ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? if it's new, then there has never been anything before it.  If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When people say "Life is short." What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What the fuck are they gonna do that's longer?

When people ask "Can i borrow a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! it's a god damn piece of paper!

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "did the bus come yet?" if the bus came i would not be standing here asshole!

it's been a while since my tongue has had a workout, wanna be my physical trainer?

Do you like snickers? 'Cause you've got the chocolate, and i'm nuts about you.

Do you like sports? Because i'm sure that i could ping your pong all day.

What do you say we go behind a rock, and get a little boulder.

2 pretzels were walking down the street and one was assualted.

Hi, my name is pogo.  Want to jump on my stick?

The word of the day is legs! Now let's go in my room and spread the word!

a duck walks in the store and wants to buy some grocieries and the cashier ask will you be paying by paper or plastic and then the duck says neither just put it on my bill.

I hope you've got insurance baby, 'Cause you just put a dent in my pants.

I hope you're still hot when i'm sober!

i'm irish want to taste my lucky charms?

Do you work for UPS 'Cause i swear i saw you check out my package!

Hey darlin', Wanna play house?  You can be the screen door and i will slam you all night.

Did you get wet last night when you fell into my dream?

My inner child needs spanking.

I lost my virginity. Can i have yours?

I've made my list, i've checked it twice, as long as you're naughty, it's gonna be nice!

What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on a organ.

I'm like a Rubik's cube. The longer you play with me, the harder i get!

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired, Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget


Stop reading my quotes and go get your own. - SCC-Divenegon
[18:07:14] <SCC-Divenegon stabs SNiFFeR in the eye with his finger>
[18:06:28] <SCC-Divenegon -: "And how come I don't have a quote" - SCC-LiLJeN4 :->
[18:05:28] <SCC-Divenegon -: Your moms so fat she heard it was goign to be chilly out and she got a bowl and spoon - SCC-TheLegend :->
[18:03:20] <SCC-Divenegon beats the fuck out of {DK}DarK~Knight, complements of SCC-Divenegon>
[18:15:42] -- XxXxDKxXxX#7 [516ms] has joined the channel as a shmuck (100% success rate).
<s)t-silent-bob> WHAT WOULD U DO IF U FOUND A DILDO IN UR BROTHERS SHEETS???
[21:28:06] -- R.a.B.B.o.T [100188ms] has joined the channel using Starcraft Brood War (0 wins).
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, then it's the game to find the eye. - SCC-PyroTechnic
[21:54:31] <hellsing)DK(> i wish i could have a vagina for like an hour
[21:33:05] <Muffs> anyone ever have a dream you were eating cottage cheese but you woke up and your grandma was sitting on your face?
[21:32:31] <Dark_Marine)DK(> what is soo wrong about masturbating?!
[21:32:01] <HolyLegend)DK(> SOMEONE QUOTE THIS
On Error GoTo Hell
<{DK}Disturbed> paid, ur fucking up my putdowns
im going 2 take over ur company, but only if i win at a card game!  if i lose..ill leave u alone for the rest of eternity.
<SCC-Divenegon> I couldn't figure out why the frisbee kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.
<SCC-Divenegon> Rabbit, are you going to be stealing my quotes again today?
[5:42:01 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> shadowbot is a backdoor with a bot hidden in it
"Lois, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. Its in my diaper and its not a toaster." -Stewy
Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.
[12:31:47 AM] <SW)VoLTaGe> shut up! clowns arent real!
[3:26:13 AM] <MrFuZzYFoOt> tree's are fun for humping
[19:04:22] <R.a.B.B.i.T)DK(> god..im dling slow..only 120kbps
[11:33:37 PM] <MiSeRy)DK(> I can't dl porn and play starcraft at the same time because one hand is always busy
[11:26:21 PM] <FaLoD)DK(> ANDY you but slut lesbian segal 9 year old dyke get ur white wigga ass cock sucking bitch out here
To save time, lets just agree that I know everything.
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap
Giving money and power to a government is like giving whisky and car keys to teenage boys
Politicians, like diapers, should be changed often. And for the same reason.
Zero to bitch in 3.5 seconds.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas!
Done something stupid? Let us blame a big cmpany and make them pay us lots of money. We'll even give you some of it! - Trial Lawyers Association.
One-tequila, two tequila, three keteela, floor.
Rock is dead! Long live paper and scissors!
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Positive thinking is 90% mental.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Coffee. Chocolate. Men. Some things are just better rich.
It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho all your life.
No, I haven't met Mr Right. But, I have met Mr Cheap, Mr Rude and Mr Cocky.
Please talk to my face, my breasts can't hear you.
If it has testicles or tires, it's gonna give you problems.
You can't make someone love you, but, you can stalk them and hope for the best.
You're as young as you feel, but never as important.
Life is pain, and anyone who tries to tell you different is trying to sell you something.
Follow your dreams! (Except that one where you're in school in your underwear)
I mock you with my monkey pants. (Ok, it's not that funny, but the pic on it was)
It's not my fault! The monkey tricked me!
I didn't do it! You can prove it! You didn't see me! The sheep are lying!
I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.
If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!
Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
Men are proof that women can take a joke.
Hmm, looks like the gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
"Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy"
ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid onfusion/overcomplication)
LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
WE ARE MICROSOFT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
If we aren't supposed to eat amimals, why are they made with meat?
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal.
WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS
I fish! Therefore, I lie.
Nuke the Whales.
I swerve for cats.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..(They were screaming "Stop reading that insanely long bumper
sticker and watch the road!!!")
Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.
Did you check if your horn works?
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
CLINTON HAPPENS.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.
I can only please one person a day, and today ain't your day... (tomorrow ain't looking good either).
Men are idiots and I married their king.
National Atheist's Day April 1
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
i souport publik edekasion
All generalizations are false.
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
IRS: We have got what it takes to take what you have got.
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
No matter where you go, you're there.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
Life's a beach, and then you drown.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Have a nice day... somewhere else.
It's been Monday all week.
Gravity always gets me down.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!
I'm back by popular demand.
CAUTION! I drive like you do!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
WARNING: mental backup in progress.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to iss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
My karma ran over your dogma.
I brake for...wait...AAAH!...NO BRAKES!!!!!
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.
Welcome to California. Now go home!
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
HANG-UP & DRIVE
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-profit organization.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
A modern pioneer is a man who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
Money isn't everything... there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.
Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.
A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Steven Wright one-liners
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand
"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?" - Robin Williams
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad." - Christopher Case
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." - Bob Ettinger
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." - Ellen DeGeneres
"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money." - Kevin Meaney
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." - Jake Johansen
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." - Dick Cavett
"I have such poor vision I can date anybody." - Garry Shandling
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight." - Rita Rudner
"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me." - Bobcat Goldthwait
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." - A. Whitney Brown
"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget." - Michael McShane
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?" - Jon Stewart
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" - Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" - Warren Hutcherson
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache." - Jack Mayberry
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they're always locking three." - Elayne Boosler
"I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself." - Judy Tenuta
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" - John Mendoza
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second." - Steven Wright
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." - Conan O'Brien
"When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other." - Rita Rudner
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin." - Winston Spear
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman." - Bruce Baum
"Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player." - Marsha Warfield
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals: we aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners." - Jeff Stilson
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." - Sue Murphy
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown
"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there." - Ron Richards
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else." - Lily Tomlin
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" - Rita Rudner
"I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter." - Drew Carey
"The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They are just rubbing it in." - Yakov Smirnoff
"Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease." - Bill Maher
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." - Jerry Seinfeld
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." - David Letterman
"I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing." - Bob Saget
"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology." - Jay Leno
"Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that's still far away." - Billiam Coronell
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' " - Larry Miller
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'" - Jerry Seinfeld
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." - Lynda Montgomery
"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it." - Steven Wright
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson
"If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?" - John Mendoza
"I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'" - Bruce Baum
"If God dropped acid, would he see people?" - Steven Wright
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast." - Johnathan Katz
"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?" - Lily Tomlin
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end." - Jerry Seinfeld
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" - Richard Jeni
"I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes." - Steven Wright
"And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, '****! A truck!'" - Emo Phillips
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your ******* is in Washington.
Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice.
Smoky Joe's, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her ****.
Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
To do is to be. - Descartes
To be is to do. - Voltaire
Do be do be do. - Frank Sinatra
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
Make love, not war. - Hell, do both, get married!
God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. –God
The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, D.C.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books, New York, New York
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas.
JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if He had invested?
Men's restroom, American University, Washington, D.C.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Express Lane: Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ.
You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,
No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, Kentucky.
"I was going 70 MPH and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 MPH?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everthing I read."
"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it will be up all night."
"I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him..."Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane."
"My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
"After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?"
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive...but only for a second."
"I saw a tree fall, in the woods and I didn't hear it."
"So, do you live around here often?"
"I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back...boy, were they mad!"
"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's ALWAYS room temperature."
"I filled out an application that said, "In case of Emergency Notify...". I wrote "Doctor" What's my mother going to do?"
"The sun got confused by daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows."
"If toast always lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens when you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
"I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads."
"I was in a job interview and opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights , does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny dipping?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success? If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest is there a sound?
If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when a endangered animal eats endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle does not have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What is the speed of dark?
How come we never hear about gruntled employees?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
Everybody repeat after me, "We are all individuals."
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle; 3) Golden retriever.
Dumbest: Afghan hound.
Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000
City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: - 7
Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%
Percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man: 50%
Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland/Disney World: 70%
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for Profiles in Courage
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.
First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance) but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That is why your TV set has channels 2 and up, but no channel 1.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Hang On Snoopy is the official rock song of Ohio.
Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them would burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the"General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere ... and let the air out of their tires. -Dorothy Parker
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
Don't Pray In Our Schools, I Won't Think In Your Church
Faith is beleiving in what you know ain't so - Mark Twain
GOD IS JUST PRETEND
GOD IS MY COPILOT, AND HE CAN'T DRIVE EITHER
GOD, Protect me from your followers
God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
So many Christians, so few Lions.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, why does he have his own theme song? - Bender
Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie, and hippies suck. - Cartman


[4:32:17 PM] <sw)TheParadox> i masturbate with my left hand
[5:03:00 PM] <Sw)Bad> i masterbate with my right hand
[10:17:26 PM] <WaRneD> i masterbate with my right hand
[6:23:10 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> i masterbate with both hands does that make me special?
[10:38:17 PM] <SW)NeoRanger> i masterbate with both hands too
[11:11:55 PM] <SW)DoGG> who the hell mastardbates with their hands?

[10:19:44 PM] <WaRneD> i rape cats
[1:11:07 AM] <SW)TaCtiC> i rape monkeys
[11:13:40 PM] <Fifty.> i rape dogs
[1:48:13 AM] <SW)TaCtiC> who wants 2 rape me???

[11:32:48 PM] <SW)Brr> yay! i'm dubbed the closet whore! [11:32:57 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> woohooo **steps out of closet*


[12:19:16 AM] <J[aC]kInTheBox> Ithien = Elton John Of B.Net
[10:54:32 PM] <SW)skills@Azeroth> theres a fat ethiopean shick fucking yur weasle?
[10:47:09 PM] <CrackS.> i think skills is haveing sexual relations with this Pizzabox fellow
[10:47:37 PM] <IPLog> THE EVIL ETHIOPIANS CAME OUT OF THE TV AND TRIED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH MY PET ROBOTIC WEASLE THAT ONLY I CAN SEE!!!!
[12:49:58 AM] <SW)Listerine> i wish i was your weasel thing
[10:41:14 PM] <SW)skills@Azeroth> IM BIENG CHOCKED BY A PIZZABOX
[22:27:25] ~~SourMilk~~: ILL HUMP UR DOG  [7:53:32 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> woof

[1:40:19 AM] <sw)skills@Azeroth> i wonder if i could masterbate with my left hand, i never honestly tried

[12:42:02 PM] <Bomb> I LIKE HOMOSEXUAL ORANGATANGS
[12:46:21 AM] <SW)TaCtiC> i have red socks can u load a bot with em?
[12:36:13 AM] <BroKeN[aC]> i owned my parrot
[12:28:00 AM] <HiVe[aC]> talibot is so godly that it just crashed my comp
[12:26:58 AM] <BroKeN[aC]> The man down the block was hte meanest man i knew so i went down there to ask him y r u so mean? he says im not the mean man he lives in that house"NO YOU STUPID IDIOT THATS MY HOUSE"
[12:27:57 AM] <L0ADA> Nine Out Of Ten People Agree That One Out Of The Ten Will Disagree With The Other Nine.
[11:32:48 PM] <SW)Brr> yay! i'm dubbed the closet whore!
[11:32:57 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> woohooo **steps out of closet*
[11:41:54 PM] <SUICIDAL> I NEED A GOOD DICK SUCKING!
[22:29:18] <{DK}HigHRoLLeR9> ill suck ur dick for 100 access!
[11:16:54 PM] <Feanor[vA]> I LIKE TO SUCK PENIS
[2:02:15 AM] <sw)skills@Azeroth thinks zzerg is hiding in the closet and refuses to come out>
[1:40:10 PM] <SW)Geo> i can suck my own dick
[8:32:57 PM] <SW)Bad> and I just wish i could suck my own cock
[11:40:50 PM] <Duracel> WHISPER ME IF U WANT ANY
[10:43:36 PM] <sw)skills@Azeroth> wow these quote want to make me go jerk off
[12:05:20 PM] <HeAviLy-DrUgEd> THE PENIS MAN IS HERE!
[1:52:31 AM] <SW)ZeRO> FUCK ME
[9:46:13 PM] <Dark_Marine)DK(> fuck me!
[10:44:33 PM] <JF-MaCRoS> FUCK ME!
[2:08:13 AM] <SW)skills@Azeroth> FUCK ME!!!
[1:52:35 AM] <SW)SaTaN> FUCK ME HARDER!!

[10:57:24 PM] <ste4lth> and SCHWIBAMZOOM
[23:31:02] <demnation> WEEEEEEE! POW! WHACK ZOOOOOooooooommmmm!! WAAAAAAAAAaaaaaannnnnnnnnnggggggggggg!
[10:35:07 PM] <SW)DragonSlayer> im gonna go jerkoff an go to bed
[5:05:42 PM] <SW)DarkSniper> i've been busy
[10:59:32 PM] <SW)DarkSniper> i have a life other than starcraft
[9:51:30 PM] <SW)DarkSniper> i've been slapping the shit out of it
[2:51:34 AM] <ST_TaCtiC> omg ive come to the conclusion that i have no life
[10:59:21 AM] <Dawg90> is SNICKERS a hamster?
[10:11:15 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> hi! im schizofrenic! *twitch* and so am I.
[4:22:01 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> Elmo knows where you live!
[6:24:11 PM] <SW)SoLiDS> Ah my face burns
[10:49:21 PM] <NoCaPs> Your access level is: 9999999999999999
[8:15:52 PM] <SW)silent_death> wow u must suck if your rating is 1
[19:58:29] MaGiC)dk(: send me a $2 ho and a happy meal ill give u 3 cd keys
[16:53:35] hobo_mad_marine: people call me jews cause i dont trade em
[12:20:56 AM] [16:48:28] Bihatch: yo wait this quote will go down in generations
[18:25:42]  <Bihatch> does this computer make my ass look big
[12:41:34 AM] <CHESTICALS> did you know that they dont sell pron at k-mart
[23:32:46]  <Gucci[DK]@Azeroth> everythhing on computers are complicated
[1:42:15 AM] <mhyjrbkp0ga> im a fluffybot
[7:20:24 PM] <007F3nix)DK( Pulls out a condom on stealth >  [7:20:26 PM] <007F3nix)DK( Begins to attack stealth with the condom >
[10:09:36 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> clan recruitment is warring clan right?
[10:15:34 PM] <Optix-Pro> What is the day after yesterday?
[10:18:14 PM] <SW)FLUX> why dont u just say i cum all over my hands and drink it like a cup
[10:18:58 PM] <WaRneD> is trojan a condom?
[10:20:34 PM] <WaRneD> im serious whats a warring clan?
[10:21:30 PM] <Dawg90> how is snickers a mallet guy?
[10:21:57 PM] <WaRneD> Jesenya Will u take ur cloths off for an illy
[10:23:05 PM] <Jesenya> they sell porn at wal-mart
[10:24:39 PM] <WaRneD> like when i said i masterbate with my cat
[10:35:25 PM] <WaRneD> what is a whore?
[10:53:31 PM] <SW)Ghost> ill give u sex for it
[10:55:15 PM] <SW)RAnDoM> bastardo
[10:53:59 PM] <wraiThz.> i need pratice
[12:15:53 AM] <AoD-Snip3r> i bet skywing spilled coke on his server again
[3:48:52 PM] <SoW> Since I joined this channel, -54 users have been banned; 15 of them were banned by me.
[5:42:01 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> shadowbot is a backdoor with a bot hidden in it
[11:07:24 PM] <SW)RAnDoM> marine was hit by a car?
[11:14:54 PM] <Ellinas)DK(> the onoly thing ur better than me at it sucking cokc
[10:49:21 PM] <NoCaPs> Your access level is: FAG
[11:23:44 PM] <Stealth> hey guys, im back from jacking off
[11:26:21 PM] <FaLoD)DK(> ANDY you but slut lesbian segal 9 year old dyke get ur white wigga ass cock sucking bitch out here
[10:27:08 PM] <SW)Marine> il be back on bw soon
[9:40:43 PM] <SW)insomnia> someone play me 1v1  [9:40:50 PM] <SW)insomnia> before i shit my pants in anger
[9:49:59 PM] <Iguana> u need to go jack off or something
[9:52:00 PM] <llamaboy> oh yeah then i run to the lake then throw condom in there because it doesnt flush down the toliet
[9:52:42 PM] <{DK}> i fenna buss a cap in joor ass0rz
[10:26:15 PM] <AsSh0Le> I'm gonna get my Monkey on a typewriter to hax you!
[9:59:36 PM] <Eviscerator> ILL EAT YOUR BABIES!!!
[11:33:31 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> How the hell did random play 103 games in 30 mins?!
[12:08:53 AM] <Newbe[mG]> man i fucked around with my sub 7, and then i got my trash can trojaned
[1:34:36 PM] <NoCaPs> Your access level is: 8427634775673967249867398673498712986746987346983756983769837698769837983769367398768567673986767398673986774734734834759834759834758475475775575779
[02:04:28 AM] <Stealth> afk.. for a bit [02:04:35 AM] <Stealth> like 10 hours
[05:44:41 PM] <hism>  or my invisible ops will ban you to the void and ill have the void ban you to the void 2
[8:12:27 PM] <S)T-CheesySk8er> lol i didn't know i was in here
[08:16:07 PM] <Mab3> can i jus do a fuckin bunny
[08:16:59 PM] <Eviscerator> ill give u oral pleasure for that name
[8:17:22 PM] <CeLeS[aC]> How do I Safeadd?
[08:21:46 PM] <SW)DarkSniper is a morbidly obese 40 year old that lives wiht his mom>
[8:58:16 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> Shhhh!!! The voices in my head are trying to speak!
[11:05:40 PM] <Brr> SOMEONE TESTICLE ME
[11:38:28 PM] <SW)Brr> i can beat off and play sc at the same time
[11:39:51 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> We're schizofrenic! *Twitch* Can u tell?
[11:45:23 PM] <SW)Brr> wow, bnet said i've been flooded, but it's not raining here.
[11:46:54 PM] <SoW> i pitty ur dog brr..... [11:47:29 PM] <SW)Brr> Why you pity my dog.. Just because i let it shave my nuts with its tongue doesn't mean anything..
[11:47:31 PM] <Heath89> hey, is this clan for clan members only?
[6:01:51 PM] <D)A_Matt> why do i got no asses
[8:52:41 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> AAAHH!!!!! LEPRECHAUNS ARE CHASING MEEE!!!
[9:01:32 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> wuts a lesbian?
[9:10:14 PM] <SW)Djfish[DS]> damn i get drunk and play on pc is that a good thing?
[9:10:29 PM] <SW)DarkSniper> when i get older im gonna rape a the winner of the special olympics
[9:11:16 PM] <SW)DarkSniper> imagine if u quoted everything i say
[21:02:59] <$aInT> WTF WTF my cock has BLUE shit on it!!!
[11:07:46 PM] <ste4lth> Sex Can Wait, Masturbate!
[11:07:56 PM] <ste4lth> Don't Knock Masturbation... It's Having Sex With Someone I Love!
[11:11:11 PM] <ste4lth> listen to the poognome story
[11:12:10 PM] <ste4lth> wait til the poognome story is done
[1:11:11 PM] <MaDoK@Azeroth> I planted my shit in the ground yesterday. I'm growing a poop tree!
[1:35:47 PM] <MaDoK@Azeroth> SHUT UP! Trees don't grow upside-down!
[11:32:46 PM] <xX_Sniper_Xx> my cpu is making sounds
[12:04:14 PM] <myusername> ive been called fat so many times.....
[12:046:52 PM] <demnation> Purple rhymes with balogna
[12:23:07 AM] <PosterBoy> damn gummy worms
[1:20:22 AM] <Halazonia(FFF)> i love color hacks
[4:51:07 PM] <S(o)W> what does Rejoins mean?
[10:57:09 PM] <TheDriZzle> i will dance naked in the streets
[1:43:24 PM] <SW)Geo> Kids in the back seat cause accidents but accidents in the back seat cause kids
[6:14:26 PM] <NuTrOlIzE> ur a bot that cant get banned huh
[5:33:26 PM] <qwerti[EoC]> guns are bad
[1:29:53 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> and then the rabbit went BOOM!
[1:59:54 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> i got quoted =D
[8:30:48 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
[10:23:38 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> im a few bricks short of a shovel
[10:44:35 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> im 8
[10:45:26 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> i have the mentallity of SW)voltage
[10:46:38 PM] <SW)TheParadox> ... touch me again and i just might start to like it
[10:48:20 PM] <TheDriZzle> U MAN WHOOOR
[10:50:07 PM] <From: Fifty.> rif is a replay whore
[11:08:23 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> The Last Thing The Bunny Heard was..."CHOO CHOOOO!!"
[8:37:44 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> settin off firecrackers at 3 AM is fun!
[8:45:43 PM] <SW)Geo> spell calculator
[9:57:54 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> damn jewish nazis..
[11:45:53 PM] <Geo[BoT]> I NEED SOME SWISS CHEESE AND MAYONNAISE TO PUT ON MY HOT DOG
[11:57:42 PM] <$aK47^-^> Time to make like a tree and fly!!!
[10:31:25 PM] <SW)RIF> im like the most legit person youll ever meet
[12:32:31 AM] <SW)BloOM> volt owned me the other day ;(
[2:51:22 PM] <SW)VoLTaGe> im only bm to ppl when its funny
[1:56:59 PM] <hitz-colt_Toss> take me to your leader
[11:17:19 PM] <TheDriZzle> i am robohydra... prepare to be err hydranated
[12:37:40]  <NaTuRaL> how'd u guys get opz in The Void?
[6:15:52 PM] <sw)iss> hadn't took a shit in 5 days
[6:31:55 PM] <SW)wraithz> actually i genital warts!
[7:01:08 PM] <From: TheDriZzle> LOOK AT MY LEOPARD SKIN BIKINI !!!!
[21:20:34]  Sex was banned by S(o)W.
[22:04:12]  YOU_CANT_BAN_ME was banned by StealthBot.
[11:54:22 PM] <SW)TaCtiC> im bw weeeeeee gimme a reward!!
[12:31:47 AM] <SW)Vo

[Akamas]

Ok dude, thats just a little bit too much.

[Newby]

Yeah, holy shit.

[BaDDBLooD]

See... the point of this is...

DUm Dum Dum...





























If your bored at work, you just flip to this page and let off a hour or so

[Adron]

If your bored at work, you just flip to this page and let off a hour or so

Would've been better to post a few at a time. Trying to resume this is just annoying.

[Akamas]

Yah, quite annoying indeed.

[Yoni]

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Pretty neat trick, didn't know that one. Thanks.

[iago]

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Pretty neat trick, didn't know that one. Thanks.

No?  I've seen that one many times..

[BaDDBLooD]

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Pretty neat trick, didn't know that one. Thanks.

Glad someone likes them  

[UserLoser.]

I like the On Error GoTo Hell

[BaDDBLooD]

I like the On Error GoTo Hell

heh

[beta_chris]

i like this thread, ain't nothing wrong with lots of funny.

[MyndFyre]

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Pretty neat trick, didn't know that one. Thanks.

Really Yoni?  I'm suprised!  It has something to do with a property of the repetitive 1's -

11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
etc.

[iago]

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Pretty neat trick, didn't know that one. Thanks.

Really Yoni?  I'm suprised!  It has something to do with a property of the repetitive 1's -

11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
etc.

If you multiply it out by hand, it's rather obvious why it happens

[hismajesty]

I like the On Error GoTo Hell

haha, first time I saw that was in a code example at MSDN.