WWI Poem, any good?

[Fr0z3N]

They were told they'd be heroes, valiant and brave
Of the allies in Europe and the people they'd save
They traveled thousands of miles across land and sea
Away from friends and family, away from you and me
So they marched and they marched with a tune in their heads
Not one of them knowing that they soon could be dead
Days, weeks, months in a deep muddy trench
What's harder to fight, the war or the stench?
The piles of bodies, no graves to be found
As the shells fly in, the men hit the ground
Hundred of rats with filth and disease
At your side a lifeless friend falls to his knees
From the sky pours blood, not rain
The bullets, the trench foot, incredible pain
Sent by a stranger over the top you go
Killing men just like you, who you'll never know
They all have families but kill them you must for it's not your concern
Almost hit by a shell, your arm won't return
Here soldiers comes gas, put your masks on straight
Sadly for one it was just too late
He knows not what to fear, as the gas creeps in
But it soon stings his eyes and sears his skin
There coughing and spitting and shaking he lies
An innocent boy sent by his country to die

[K]

the meter is a little shakey in some places, which kind of disrupts the flow, but no major complaints.  Unfortunantly, I am more a fan of renaissance poetry, and I demand you rewrite it as a Petrarchan sonnet.

[Eibro]

Here soldiers comes gas, put your masks on straight
Sadly for one it was just too late
He knows not what to fear, as the gas creeps in
But it soon stings his eyes and sears his skin
There coughing and spitting and shaking he lies
An innocent boy sent by his country to die

This reminds me of Dulce Et Decorum Est

[jigsaw]

Personally I think its wonderful.  America will always prevail.

9-11-2001 We will never forget.

[DeTaiLs]

I always liked going to hear people read there poems and i was wondering if i could read this at my school and give u creidt